If I could say all the words like I should, I wouldn’t be trapped inside my head this way. I wouldn’t be finding rabbit holes in songs to get lost in, wouldn’t be an unexploded firework left on a shelf.
I want so many things. So many people that aren’t here to touch.
If I could let myself say sorry. If I knew how then I would. But there are many words that die before they get said, and I Love You is the easiest to drown.
Because nothing carries more weight than this.
And she clings herself to strangers, confused them as friends. Made believe her part in their romance to be real. Then lived out her non-existant love life this way.
By playing the the uninvited spectator in theirs.
I cannot sleep, knowing
you’ll wake ahead of me. Because
our days are mostly just the
hours that overlap. And the rest are
dreams, which don’t count even
when you say they do because
no, they’re not really you.
I’d brave the cruel cold to breathe your air. I’d wait a lifetime and another. I’d make songs out of wasted words. I’d sing them in symphonies in lullabies sweet, I would.
I’d say things like these and mean them for you.
The frosted trees stand watching. You are my moment. You are my moment.
There are pearls that form
from frozen mist
from silver clouds
Which carry my breath
as I breathe your name;
To pluck from air
To strand together
And wear around my throat.
